One day, not so long ago, a Jamaican grapefruit with a twinkle in his eye spied a sweet and winsome-looking tangerine. A couple of witty one-liners later, perhaps with the aid of one or more adult beverages, the grapefruit and the tangerine fell on each other with inevitable consequences. Several months later, to the dismay of the parents, rather than the beautiful offspring they were wishing for, a misshapen, thick-skinned brute emerged.

However, unlike many ugly ducklings, this beast, try as he might, remained ugly. So much so, that wherever he went, people and citrus fruit alike would holler at him, calling him “Uuuugliii” (pronounced ooo-glee). What these meanies didn’t know was that beneath his hideous exterior, our Ugli was not only attractive and bright on the inside, but sweet and not a little juicy too, and soon began to become famous in his own right for this hidden personality.

Then, one joyful day, much to his surprise, Ugli found himself sitting on a wooden block in a Brooklyn kitchen. Before he had time to comprehend the gravity of the situation, his skin had been removed with a razor-sharp blade and his plump flesh sliced into supremes. Had he still been conscious, I am sure he would have been pleased to know that what remained of him was squeezed and mixed with an expensive olive oil making a kick-ass citrus vinaigrette that worked perfectly as a a sauce for a very simple tapa/pintxo of marinated fresh anchovies (boquerones) and slices of buttery avocado. The End.

Fresh Anchovy, Avocado & Ugli Fruit Tapa

Ingredients

1 package boquerones (flat-filleted, fresh anchovies marinated in oil and vinegar) (about 6oz)

1 ugli fruit, skinned and supremed

1/2 loaf crusty French or Italian-style bread, cut into thin rounds

1/2 avocado, sliced into 1/4inch pieces

juice of 1/2 ugli fruit

2tbsp best olive oil

salt and black pepper to taste

toothpicks

Recipe

Add juice, oil, salt and pepper in a bowl and whisk until combined.

Spear anchovies, “ugli supremes” and avocado slices with toothpicks and stick to bread rounds.

Drizzle with dressing and serve with a nice dry Manzanilla or Fino sherry.